‘It doesn’t take much to be in love. But it takes a lot to be in a relationship.’ – Anonymous
Recently, a friend of mine was sharing with me about this guy that she had been going out with for almost a year. A guy that she really likes.
She makes soup for him when he’s ill. They SMS all day even at work. They hold hands, hug and do the other usual boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.
But there’s only one catch:
- He introduces her as a friend to his parents when they were at his house
- He tells her that he is unable to commit to a full-fledged relationship, and thus they remain as friends officially
- He still talks actively to his ex-girlfriends
Now, I’m not here to judge anyone’s actions, but coming straight from her point-of-view, she thinks he ain’t ready to commit into a relationship with her. And its taking a toll on her.
And some of us would know how that feels. That feeling of being in limbo, being insecure of the situation and unsure if the efforts would be eventually reciprocated in kind, with ACTIONS and not just mere words.
Fortunately, there are probably some tell-tale signs to indicate if someone is indeed ready for a relationship. And hell yes, it’s different from merely falling in love.
1. Accepting that Benefits come with Responsibilities
If he/she understands and accepts that the benefits of having a partner will be accompanied with responsibilities, that person’s probably ready.
Being willing to be with you through thick and thin. Not just there to have fun with you, but also to help pick you up when you’re down. The person’s there when you really need more understanding and patience than usual.
It ain’t gonna be fair to you if that person cites commitment issues to keep oneself at bay when it comes to tough times, but yet enjoys all the attention, care and love that you would render to him/her as in a typical romantic relationship. That’s just bull.
The benefits of having a partner always come in tandem with the responsibilities.
2. Being Emotionally Self-Sufficient
“Sigh… I can only be really happy & complete only when I get attached”. If you ever hear someone say that, chances are that he/she won’t be ready for a relationship.
If someone is overly reliant on you to make him/her happy in life, it inadvertently puts a lot of pressure on you in the relationship. A lot.
And it ain’t your responsibility to be the person that magically transforms that person’s life 180 degrees. You are there to complement that person, and bring the best out of him/her. But not be the sole source of purpose and happiness.
Furthermore, being emotionally self-sufficient is also attractive. Speaking from personal experience, once I managed to embrace single-hood, making many friends and being devoid of envy towards loving couples around me, ironically I started to attract more attention from the opposite sex than ever before. Yes, including my fiancée!
Happy people attract others. Unhappy people repel others.
3. Able to Really Open Up
Yes, attraction can easily happen when you have fun times with him/her on dates and feel like the most important and happiest person in the world. However that may not be sufficient enough to tell you that the person is ready for a committed relationship with you.
A litmus test is probably the person’s ability to start tearing down the walls and share his/her inner thoughts and insecurities with you. You know that this person’s ready to stick around for the long haul.
It’s about the person showing vulnerability, as this builds bonds and connects people in a certain way that can’t be achieved by having a good laugh over a couple of drinks.
Of course, this takes time and some people just have reservations with opening up. But I reckon it needs to happen fast for the relationship to go the distance. This was a real struggle that I faced in the past.
4. Having a Sense of Purpose
If the person has a sense of purpose in life, that’s an indication that this person is probably more ready to be in a committed relationship with you, as opposed to someone who’s clueless about his/her own life.
I know this may sound harsh. But I think if one has absolutely no direction in life and is totally irresponsible towards one’s own commitments, its gonna be tough to trust that this same person can have an idea where he/she wants the relationship to go, or be responsible towards it.
5. Possessing Realistic Expectations
Forget about the IDEAL girlfriend or boyfriend. We need to possess realistic expectations.
Ideals are rarely an accurate representation of reality. After all, none of us are perfect. We are human. And we make mistakes from time to time.
So too, must this understanding of human imperfection be applied in a relationship.
If a potential suitor is expecting you to catch the moon and bring it to him/her, do think twice about that person’s readiness to be in a real, ‘human’ relationship.
6. Willing to Accommodate / Compromise
If a person is able to show signs of making compromises, there’s a good chance he/she is ready to be in a relationship with you.
After all, being able to make concessions showcases qualities that are essential for the survival of a relationship:
- Maturity in thought – that it’s not only about myself
- Ability to empathize and understand you
- Willingness to put in effort for the relationship
7. Isn’t bitter about the Past
Some of us may have had bitter memories about previous relationships. But the past is all that is and should be buried.
If someone is able to let go of the past and not let those experiences linger on one’s mind or lips so very often, he/she is ready to move onto a relationship with you.
Think about that suitor holding 2 ropes, one in each hand. One rope represents the past and the other represents the future (which could be you!). If that person is able to let go of the past, he/she will then be able to pull towards you, and build a future together.
Hope you find the ‘special one’ you deserve.
If you enjoyed this article, please:
- click the Facebook ‘Like’ button or
- Follow me on Twitter in the right column of this page!
Aside, do also check out the 10 rules I set in my relationship: https://wealthnlove.com/2013/11/10/how-i-made-it-with-my-fiance/