“Being single will suck when you perpetuate the delusion of defining yourself only by your relationships.”
A friend struggled and hesitated to leave her current boyfriend of 8 years, who by the way, ain’t that good to her. But she refused to leave him as she has been in that relationship for so long – she feared being single again and living life without a boyfriend. She was quite introverted and didn’t have many friends too.
So she stayed on in that relationship for a long time till another guy came along and pursued her. She two-timed her boyfriend and subsequently left to be with the new guy.
She simply can’t bear the thought of being single and stayed on in a relationship that she had given up on an awful long time ago.
And I can’t count how many times I had wanted to tell her to just walk away…
Brooding Over Singlehood Makes One Less Attractive…
I know a few single friends who aren’t happy being single, especially as they see their fellow friends getting attached or married. Regularly thinking that they would only really be happy and lead complete lives after finding themselves a partner.
I was once like that. I recall having some issues getting dates or screwing them up. But I take comfort in the fact that many guys out there also know what the shit that feels like!
Despite my best efforts to conceal my inner feelings, many girls could probably sense a little negativity in me. Some girls initially warmed up to me, but subsequently drew away as I was too eager in my pursuits.
Just think of Ted Mosby in the early seasons of How I Met Your Mother. Yeah I reckon you know what I mean now!
Or just imagine you are out on a first date with a girl, and she keeps going on and on about how the guys she used to fancy from years ago didn’t reciprocate her feelings or broke up with her.
She’s wallowing in self-pity and exudes an air of pessimism. You would probably ‘friend-zone’ her immediately.
And truth be told, those traits aren’t gonna be attractive to people in general, let alone the opposite sex.
I concluded that being upset about single-hood makes one less attractive and likely to get a partner. It may seem so overtly obvious to anyone who reads this now, but it took me a long time to realize this.
Embracing Singlehood Makes One More Attractive
Relationships take a great deal of commitment and your time. If you are single, you have considerably more time than your attached friends. Trust me when I say this. Relationships can take up ALOT of your time!
Eventually I decided to re-frame my thoughts towards singlehood. I can’t change my relationship status just by thinking about it, but I can change my views towards singlehood. I knocked some sense into my head and decided to maximize my time doing some meaningful things rather than wasting it.
Cognitive reframing, a Neuro-Linguistic Programming concept, is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives. – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_reframing)
1. Get In Touch With Yourself
You can take the time to reconnect with yourself and reflect on who you are and things in general. Sometimes, our relationships may take centre-stage of our lives and we end up losing ourselves in it.
Might be a good time to revisit our personal goals and ambitions and enjoy the ‘me’ time.
2. Opportunity To Meet Many People
Singlehood is good in the aspect that you can go out with anyone you want. There’s plenty of time and energy to expand your social circle of both male and female friends. No strings attached.
When I started meeting more and more people, I thought lesser on things worth forgetting like relationships that could have been but didn’t. And really, I think the best way to move on from say, a past relationship or unrequited feelings, is to get out there and meet new friends or hang out with old buddies. Not staying home and staring at the ceiling for months on end. Been there and done that.
I have lost count of how many of my single friends have found their partners after being introduced to a 2nd degree friend over a simple dinner!
3. Time To Pursue That Hobby
Be it a sport, a musical instrument or collecting stamps, taking up a hobby can add lots of colour and joy into our lives… and a few unexpected benefits as well, at least for me 🙂
I have always been quite interested in learning to play the guitar and really got down to it during my Uni days. This girl in my tutorial class knew that I played the guitar, and asked me to recommend a brand for her to buy as well as teach her to play it. We started meeting up to play the guitar together and hanging out.
4 years later, we got married. That common interest in the guitar was the start of it all. It was the catalyst.
Seriously, who could have foreseen this?
4. Save More Money
Goes without saying. You can save more money while not in a relationship. If you ain’t the type who would save money for a rainy day, you can at least spend more on the latest tech gadgets or whatever.
That little extra money you set aside each day can go a long way down the road, especially when you start spending on big-ticket items in the future like your wedding, house or a long holiday in Europe.
5. Focus On Career
A single friend of mine recently started his own Bed & Breakfast business whilst keeping his full-time job where he had just earned a promotion. He’s also growing his savings through investments in ETFs as well. Actively socializes with colleagues and hangs out with friends often.
All in all, he’s maximizing his free time well to grow his wealth and assets. And just by the sound of it alone, isn’t a driven, ambitious and sociable person like him kinda attractive?
After having embraced singlehood and done the things that you could do above, trust me you gonna be a lot happier – You have interests, you have goals. You know what you wanna achieve with your life. You have good friends and meet new people regularly. You have more money too. You are more confident of yourself as a person and are self-sufficient.
Compare that to a guy who is reliant on another person to make him happy in life cos he’s incapable of being happy on his own. Has few friends and interests. Doesn’t know what the F he wants in life and ain’t too hardworking either.
No prizes for guessing who’s gonna be more attractive to the opposite sex.
Some hold the view that they need partners to be happy in life. But if they manage to find a way to happy being on their own, ironically they will start attract potential partners to them!
Kinda like a Catch-22 situation here.
I know that for one, cos I have walked down this path.
And to end off, again, being single will only suck when you perpetuate the delusion of defining yourself only by your relationships. Get out there, and enjoy Life!
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