“It’s impossible,” said Pride. “It’s risky,” said Experience. “It’s pointless,” said Reason. “Give it a try'” whispered the heart. – Anonymous
I’m reaching that stage in life (late 20s) where lots of people in my social circle are getting engaged, married or having babies. Every now and then, you hear of such joyous news when you scroll down your Facebook feed or hear about it through friends.
Engagements. Weddings. Another baby popping out into the world.
Within your circle of friends, there’s also probably a handful that are currently single. More often than not, some of the married or attached folks often bandy around pieces of advice to single people on finding partners.
Some words of advice are brilliant while some others may just be a tad misleading. Here’s a couple of them.
Some people are great conversationalists, humorous, charming etc. Bottom-line, they know how to behave and what to say on a date. And it comes off as natural and genuine.
Not everyone is like that though.
For one, our dear friend in the picture isn’t too skilled at communicating with members of the opposite sex. Some others give off vibes that they are pessimistic, egoistic or just an overall ass.
So we may fall victim to portraying images of ourselves that don’t do any justice and kill any chances of attraction.
And if we insist on always being ourselves, we will continue to obtain the same outcomes in dating – even if they are bad.
2. “You Will Find Love When You’re Not Looking”
This typically means a couple of things:
1) People needn’t be too eager in looking for potential partners since Cupid may just strike when we least expect it.
2) Obsession with finding love to the point of emanating desperation will repel potential suitors away instead. Remember Ted Mosby?
However, this absolutely doesn’t mean that it’s okay for people who have inactive social lives to maintain status-quo. And yet expect to have GREAT chances of finding love.
Not being obsessed with finding a partner does not mean being socially inactive.
So What Can We Do To Find Love?
Solution #1. Be Your Best Self (
Just Be Yourself)
Some hold the view that they need a partner to be fulfilled in life. But if they can manage to be happy being single, ironically they will start attracting others:
- Love Ourselves: We all have experienced, and perhaps even continuing to endure crap moments in life. Perhaps we may even feel inadequate about certain aspects of ourselves. But we gotta find a way to square that with ourselves. Cos if we don’t respect, love and cherish ourselves for who we are, we can’t expect some other girl or guy to do that. To solve any doubts that we have in the relationships department, we need to first solve any doubts that we have with ourselves.
- Enrich Our Lives: Pursue that hobby which we have put off for years. Make new friends. Make travel plans to some place we have always dreamed of. Spend time at the gym to lose those extra pounds (and probably meet someone there). Accumulating new experiences and enriching ourselves makes us happy and interesting. And what they say is true – Happy people attract others.
The first step we can take in improving our interactions on dates could simply be eliminating less than desirable traits:
- Polishing Our Communication Skills: Some unknowingly kill off any chances of attraction by doing these things: 1) Talking just about ourselves 2) Being a smart-ass and pretending to know it all 3) Being indecisive and letting the girl decide 4) Being pessimistic 5) Acting overly macho 6) Asking boring yes/no questions. Et cetera. Don’t be one of them.
Solution #2. Get Active & Meet New People (
You Will Find Love When You’re Not Looking)
Gotta get out there and meet NEW people. Let’s look at our friend above. Perhaps he has had one date with a lady which didn’t work out. But he will move on, continue making new friends and increase his chances of meeting someone suitable.
I personally know of 2 ladies who got married recently having met their partners through mutual friends over dinner!
They may not have intended to look for a partner from the get-go, but by being socially active, they have unknowingly created more opportunities to meet the special one.
Here are some parting points:
- No Man Is An Island: You may be an Einstein-smart, uber-rich, Brad Pitt-charming or a Lambert-flamboyant rock star. But if you live in your own world and don’t mix around much with people, it will be harder to find a partner.
- It’s A Numbers Game: Consider the fact that you may have to make tonnes of job applications, go for multiple job interviews before you find one that may promise a mutual fit between employer and employee. It’s the same with finding a partner, as with many other things in life that are worth it.
- All It Takes Is Just One Time: It’s easy to get jaded with failed dates and relationships over and over again. It doesn’t matter. All it needs is just one single time for it to turn out well. It will be the game changer. Keep going. Good luck.
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